Pehle toh kabhi kabhi gham tha… And then came Altaf Raja

These are bad times.

The economy does not look all that great. The drought situation is getting worse. Politicians continue to stay aloof and unaffected. Cricketers are getting fixed. Fixers are running cricket. Business leaders are getting their CFOs pregnant. Jackie Bhagnani is still acting.

These are really bad times.

Now, I know there is this terrible terrible urge to hang our heads in despair and feel hopelessly bad about our existences. It does come naturally to most of us, especially after seeing those Rangrezz posters. But you know what, life is not that black, despite how bleak things appear. One can either feel utterly depressed. Or, one can invoke the name of Altaf Raja to make it all disappear. Seriously.
Altaf

Altaf Raja who, do I hear? For those not in the know, Altaf Raja was the singular reason why the cassette players of the 1990s were mobbed, mauled and molested, day in and day out. Altaf Raja was the demi-god of the autodrivers, their secret man-crush, their muse. Altaf Raja was the snazzy sultan, the ritzy rajah that the entire B-grade population of India wanted to be. But to top it all, Altaf Raja was what kept the people across the country going, giving them hope and optimism, as they sung his songs in the trains, collecting monies for charity, in most cases their own charity.

The first half of the 90s was an exciting period in the life of India. The skies were opening up. The reforms were taking off. We were a bemused and overwhelmed nation, getting exposed to an MTV which played music and a Manmohan Singh who had a voice, amongst other things. The divide between the rich and the poor was beginning to get drastically wider. Rishi Kapoor was still wearing Woolmark-approved pure wool turtlenecks, dancing around trees, and Mithun Chakraborty was singing Gutar Gutar in Dalaal. Not that the last two statements had anything to do with each other.

It was during these times that Altaf Raja made an appearance in the Indian stratosphere. Tum toh thehre pardesi, saath kya nibhaoge, he said it on behalf of the country in his first album in 1996, mouthing the concern that the economic reforms were not to stay forever.  Subah pehli gaadi se ghar ko laut jaaoge, that is.

But then again, lest you misunderstand him, it was just a healthy expression of anxiety, and not pessimism. Considering in that very album, Altaf presented the enthusiasm and exuberance of the nation, willing to take on the world: Woh bhi anjaan thi, main bhi anjaan tha. Uss se vaada na tha, kuch iraada na tha. Bas yun hi darr-ling keh diya. Yaaron maine panga le liya. Panga Le Liya summed it up brilliantly. Pokharan-II, the Indian nuclear tests happened soon thereafter.

And THIS – the eternal understanding of his environment and its impact – is what makes Altaf Raja relevant all over again in our lives. Yes, the times are tough. From pathetic rapes to pitiable rappers, from a silent PM to an over-zealous wannabe, from Kalmadi’s fistulas to Kejriwal’s frictions, we have issues and diversions. But we need to embrace our surroundings. And wait. Patiently. Because that is the right thing to do. Thoda intezaar ka mazaa leejiye, sang our man in Shapath. That’s the mantra to live by. Wait and watch, and enjoy the downtime. All material conditions, positive or negative, are temporary. This, too, shall pass. Btw, for the fans of geriatric gyrations, the song has Jackie Shroff and Mithun Chakraborty shaking it with the ladies at the bar. That, too, did pass.

His teachings, though, are not restricted to just helping people cope with the larger issues. Altaf Raja has created many a sparkling gem that are relevant to us in our everyday lives across audiences. Even more so in this day and age, when everything around us is getting redefined and restructured. Refer to the lucidity with which he discusses the complexities of the gender roles and the set of social and behavioral norms that are considered appropriate in the context of the modern times. Biwi hai cheez sajawat ki. Biwi se ghar ko sajaate hain. Sautan ka shauq purana hai. Sautan ko sar pe bithate hain. Bharti nahin niyat sautan se. Sautan ki sautan late hain. Balle balle, oh yaara balle balle. Wow Yeah. Wow Yeah. Brilliantly put. Sajawat. Aesthetics. This is why the purists love him.

The most pertinent message of Altaf Raja for his audiences, however, is in this timeless creation called Kar Lo Pyaar. There are discords and disputes all over. Conflicts have divided the globe. The world is fighting a furious war with itself. And I just used three sentences with exactly the same meaning. Precisely the reason why the world needs to hear these immortal lines in his mellifluous voice. Kar lo pyaar, kar lo pyaar, kar lo pyaar, kar lo pyaar. Pyaar gazab ki cheez hai padh lo aaj subah ka parcha. Pyaar karoge muft mein ho jaayega yaaron charcha. This is poetry at exceptionally sublime levels. No other song in the world has EVER tried rhyming charcha with parcha.

Wikipedia says Altaf Raja has had a mix of twenty-three film and non-film albums so far. But none of this matters eventually. Because it is not about his songs or the albums. It is about the man. Who goes far beyond the songs or the albums or the hits or the platinum discs. Altaf Raja is a concept. He is the victory of the mundane over the elite, of penury over pomp, of the coarse over cultivated, and of hopes over realities.

Thank you for taking the panga, sir!

(Originally published on firstpost.com)

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12 comments

  1. Josh

    super post as usual! This was the man who once had the record of selling most cassettes EVER! I guess it still holds valid! I was hoping you wud include- hum wo deewane hain jo taaza hawa lete hain, khidkiyan khol ke mausam ka maza lete hain.. mr raja being the nature lover that he is…promotes the health benefits of fresh air!!…later in the song, he goes on to rescue the dilapidated tourism sector by quoting gems as “humko toh taajmahal yaar nazar aata hai, wo jo angdaai ko hath apne utha lete hain” ;) #gems :D

  2. Rahul Katyayan

    mazaa aa gaya, hilarious! Ab to saari ummeed Altaf Bhai se hi hai , 2-4 gaanaa gaa den aur hamen mukti de dein, ( speaking in Raju Srivastava style) May be a song like ” Khaamosh kyon rahte ho, kuchh to bola karo’

  3. Priya I. Mandal

    ROFL. On a mundane weekday, when the eyes scream from looking endlessly into the console and fingers hurt refreshing the mails (or scrolling the timeline), this is exactly the kind of thing one needs. Super!

  4. Shuva Raha

    Altaf Raja, the legend! A fitting tribute to the man(-crush) who rocked the backseats of the autos of yore… through sheer inspiration, and humongous extra-bass speakers. You’re right, he’s a visionary par excellence. The worse the times get, the more relevant Altaf gets, which is possibly scarier than anything else going on in the country right now. Well, not as scary as you-know-who – speaking of, they say you shouldn’t take the Lord’s name in vain, and yet here you are, even spelling it wrong: it’s Jackyy, bitches! And so you must suffer His wrath and watch this (again): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_vwDeAo-o3w

    And THIS:
    The most pertinent message of Altaf Raja for his audiences, however, is in this timeless creation called Kar Lo Pyaar. … No other song in the world has EVER tried rhyming charcha with parcha.

    I call WIN.

  5. rajani1702

    i had a friend who used to keep these altaf raja songs in his mobile…and one of his shayari he used to love was ‘us hasina ke zakhmo pe marham lagane hum gaye, par kya bataye, mur hum gaye’…haha…insane…really the king of rhyming… ;)

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